saddness

   I don't know ,I seem to fall into this overwhelming sadness, this great depression, drifting into a place full of pain , a place where evil rules , a place where God does nothing. I don't know how, I don't know why I think of this horrible things. maybe this is the reality of life, or maybe I am just scared of losing everything and everyone I care about, or maybe am just preparing myself for this horrible day to come so it wont catch me unaware-Banji Coker

what went wrong?...... we grew up

           I met this little girl in church, she was just running around , making noise , laughing , generally just being happy, I just took a second to take look at her and I could see that right there was a human who doesn't worry, fear, hate or have regrets. and that got me wondering where did we go wrong??
          it was clear that she had nothing on her mind but was just leaving in the moment and I definitely had thing I was worrying about (like what am gonna do with my life after graduation), she was the center of attention and no one passed any judgemental looks or comments at her, but as for me nobody really gives a fuck if I exist or not, and anything I do, someone must have something negative to say, she didn't have any fear , she didn't hate and even though she had all the attention in the room , she did not bother herself about what people think," she was so busy being herself that she had no idea of how utterly unprecedented she was" ( quote from fault in our stars).
             I still don't have the answer to my question , what went wrong?? that I don't feel this peace and happiness I could see in that little girls eyes, because we all tie our happiness to someone or something, an achievement , success. this little girl doesn't have anything and is as happy as happy can get. so what went wrong?? or what is wrong?? is it that we grew up?

lost

            we all wanna be loved , really we do, we want to belong, we want to feel important , we want to matter , if not to everyone but to someone, we want someone to care , we want to be missed , most of all like I said before we want to be loved.
            but there come a particular time you feel no one loves you, you are not good enough , you see the disappointment on your parents face , you get the rejection for the girl you cared about, nobody understand you and they don't even try to, its always easy for them to complain .
              but  there might be someone that gets you, but they are far far away, so it probably doesn't help much. but no matter what the harsh reality is, you got to love yourself, and if they cant accept you or love you , you have to do this yourself, and am not gonna lie to you, its gonna be tough and hard. you might get through it or you might not, just know this, nothing is wrong with you, it might just be that you are in the wrong place or the wrong lifetime or surrounded by the wrong people, but that does not mean you should  not be happy when you have the chance.

first day in school

           oh God!!! here we go again, its like being between the devil and the deep blue sea, I don't want to stay at home and  don't really want the stress of school and face all the things left unsolved.
         people who the holidays help you avoid, you are gonna come face to face with them and start looking for reasons to give on why you didn't call or keep in touch, its the day you start thinking about the exam you wrote last year , its the time you come to know your fate, whether you are on good standing and you can continue to chill or your CGPA is drowning and you have to do something drastic to save it.
          its also the day to make a good impression for the new year, and also a new beginning , a chance to change people's perception towards you, its a chance for a fresh start, a chance to set new goals and make new promises to yourself. just hope there is no disappointments this time.

you see world you are no good

              the picture as said it all, we all are doomed!!! , all of us , I just saw the story of the 4 years old isis kid, this is very sad, the boy that is still suppose to be playing with toys is playing with guns. who are we going to blame this on, is it civilization??? or religion??? or just the pure hatred and evil that reside in the human heart?? or should we all stop dreaming and believing since they will come and cut our lives short before our dreams come true. is this the world we are going to bring our unborn children into???
           this are question I have and I haven't gotten answers to them, maybe love is just a myth and it doesn't really exist because if it does a 4 years old child is supposed to be in nursery school not in an isis camp

c'mon!!!!! the Nigerian police

 

            I use to think it was just a myth, or if it was true and that it was something of the past, but this is really sad after all the change, democracy and enlightenment everybody as be shouting about. the Nigerian police , the so called people that are supposed to be our friends and protect us are bullying the commercial drivers. by collecting their hard earn money.
           its really bullying , like the fat bully in secondary school that collects all the weak kids lunch. and as everybody says it all boils down to the government, who don't treat them well, give them faulty weapons which they use to terrorize us and don't pay them well. but does that make it our fault??? we are subjected to the same harsh environment as you guys, and don't give us the crap about how you protect us because people get robbed and get killed everyday . the other day I saw a man burnt alive.
           but I don't understand how long we are gonna walk round this circle of oppression . from the government to the police to the people then to the children. that's why there is a lot of anger in lagos because a lot of people are being oppressed , being forced to do things that they think are not fair. but if we really want a better Nigeria this has to change
          

new year

             wow another year I didn't expect it to come this fast, there is something different about this year though, because every other year I always start them anxious and scared but  I kinda started this year depressed , why I don't really know, maybe because I did not have a phone to call my friends and loved ones to wish them a happy new year or maybe because last year was pretty cool and I kinda felt bad that its came to an end, and maybe cos I got my heart broken while preparing for the new year.
             now I have been told to have a to do list for this year. and here is mine
1. be happy
2. take a step closer to success (keep on working on my music and my education
3. have a meaningful impact on someone's life
              this year I think am gonna ride solo, I  will not get into any emotional drama , work more less play, and be nice to the people that care about me because at the end of the day they are all you go.
so happy new year and make this year a meaningful one .